


the hole in my head grows whole

by dramamine_qt



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Can be seen more as a character analysis of Oliver than a shippy thing, Episode s02e08: The Scientist, M/M, One Shot, Pre-Relationship, but it is implicit nonetheless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24244537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramamine_qt/pseuds/dramamine_qt
Summary: What went through Oliver's mind during Barry Allen's first visit to Starling City.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Oliver Queen
Comments: 6
Kudos: 60





	the hole in my head grows whole

**Author's Note:**

> A brief consideration of Oliver's perceiving of Barry, the start of something more.
> 
> The title is from the song All's Well That Ends (Rainbow Kitten Surprise).

There was something about the Allen kid that wouldn't sit right with Oliver. He was a bright intelligent man, no doubt, but he also had a shadow behind his eyes that told Oliver he wasn't just a simple forensic expert.

And Oliver wasn't one to fall for cute faces, he knew that everywhere he looked he'd find darkness and malice, that was how the world worked.

So he asked Dig to search the kid's background and there it was, lies.

It was with some satisfaction that Oliver went to confront him. He wasn't above being petty enough to want to be proved right when no one else believed his instincts. 

Barry Allen wasn't who he said he was and Oliver was curious to reveal his ulterior motives, to make a point and reaffirm his own beliefs that no one could be so trustworthy and helpful just to be, everybody wanted something in exchange. 

He expected excuses and more lies to top the first one. What Oliver didn't foresee was to have the guy open up his heart and start crying talking about his dead mom.

Oliver's judgment was almost always right and he wasn't exactly wrong about Allen. The kid had indeed some darkness fuelling him that made him different, enough to ring Oliver's intuition bells, but he would be no harm.

Although Barry Allen hadn't seemed to be a threat, Oliver found himself still unable to trust him.

Felicity had looked at Oliver like he'd just kicked a puppy when Barry left the room, sad and embarrassed. Oliver didn't need her to tell him he overstepped and was unnecessarily rude, he also felt like he'd just kicked a puppy. 

The entire situation was infuriating, because besides having figured out that Barry had good intentions, Oliver couldn’t understand how the man could be so upright and smile like  _ that _ after having that kind of childhood, watching his father be condemned for his mom’s murder. That was the kind of shit Oliver expected to see in Starling City and not from where Barry came from.

It was hard to entrust someone that looked too good to be true.

The fact that Felicity was blindly relying on Barry didn’t help at all. He saved Oliver’s life, yes, but once he woke and stood up, the feeling of being intruded was greater than any gratefulness he could have. As harsh as it sounded – even for himself – Oliver would rather die than to own anything to Barry.

So Oliver chose to be a big dick and avoid everything about what happened, went out just to meet the ghosts of his past, and be crushed by the realization that somewhere inside of him he wanted to die, just like the loved ones he couldn’t save. 

He fought to pay for his mistakes, to honor the ones left behind. To fill the void he had within him.

In the end, when the worst had passed and Oliver felt quite human again, Barry Allen was already gone. He heard Felicity talking to him on the phone and wished he had time to apologize, to explain that his anger was more from a deeper darker place where Oliver couldn’t accept him getting over his demons and going on with his life and less from just not liking him. Oliver wished he had acted in a way that would invite Barry to come again in the future.

Then there was the mask, a gift that told Oliver that even with everything someone still believed he could be some kind of a hero, just for the sake of believing and not to have something in exchange. A gift that told him that Barry’s impression of him wasn’t completely ruined.

Oliver let out a tight smile and looked around, deciding that it was time to fight in the name of the ones he could still save. 

There was something special about the Allen kid and Oliver would stick around to figure out what was it.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Kudos are appreciated and comments are too :)
> 
> I'm seeing if I can write short fics instead of big ones that I have a hard time finishing, let me know if I did it somehow right. Kisses!


End file.
